He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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