im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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