Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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