i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
