I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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