we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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