ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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