its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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