had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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