I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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