if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
