YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
