The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
