buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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