Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
