i permit you to call me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
