okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
