Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
