the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
