I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
