you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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