I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
