My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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