I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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