She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
