so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
