didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
