i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
