you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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