Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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