Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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