i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
