I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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