i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
