...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
