mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
