nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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