He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
