If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
