its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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