i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
