I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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