Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
