How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had sex on a roof
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
