I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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