Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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