your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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