I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
