Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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