How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize