man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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