I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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