don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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