$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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