So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
