Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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