Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
