I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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