He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
