how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
