SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
