Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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