if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
