she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
