I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
