I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
