How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
