so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
