I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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